I may be able to conjure up an image or a memory, but mostly it takes care of itself. I follow along, images flow, associations run into each other, thoughts and solutions present themselves. It's absolutely wonderful. Most of the time.
It's like sitting on a horse. I don't steer, but we can work together. I can entice my mind to go in a certain direction, do a certain thing. But in the end, I'm still not in control. I try to convey intentions, make lists, sketch, write. Images, words, music and voices vibrate and resonate around me.
As fast as the northern lights, sometimes. Thoughts and images I follow that no words can describe, but I see, I understand, I know. The wordless hemisphere, the part that creates, my consciousness without language, only feelings and images, sensations and a truth. This is true, for me. Everything I've experienced, everything I know.
Today I wanted to think about video streaming and encoding and the presentation in London next week. Nice try. Started well but a thought about linear and circular time crept in. And it wrapped itself around my consciousness and wanted to tell me.
A thought that something went wrong when we changed time from circular to linear. In circular time, the spirit took on a new body, we lived, perhaps created more life, we grew old. Life didn't end. All very natural. Everything is born and dies. The security of coming back into the cycle and becoming part of the eternal. To always be part of the planet - back to the earth and become part of a tree, earthworms and a lawn. The spirit lives on.
Then we laid out life linearly. Born, school, work, old, dead, buried, mourning and a tombstone. Memories of the one who is gone forever. We documented it all with photographs, were able to follow our journey from foetus to elder care. There we die alone with morphine in our bodies. And we created an anxiety and panic that it would end. That life would end, I would dissolve into nothingness, it would go black and it would all be over.
It was stressful, so much to do. Before it's over. So many experiences and things to do. Quickly, a life is over like a flash in the age of the universe. You have a life. Just one chance. Live now, more drugs, more experiences.
See how it turns out. Who needs the planet when it's not circular time. When things move forward; we'll fix it later, the next generation will take care of this. Soon it's over and I have to eat this food and make this money and travel to this place and why waste my life on things that aren't the best and I want a bigger TV and more sex and a more rewarding partner and .... everything. More of everything. Before it's over.
It's great with penicillin and underfloor heating and running water and garbage collection, but what were we leaving behind. What was the most genuine thing about being human? I need to think some more about that.
So.. that's where my thoughts ended up today. Always exciting to follow along up on this horse. Now back to the pen and video editing....